Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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