too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
