hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
love makes seman taste better
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
