I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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