My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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