Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
