yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize