So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
