I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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