He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
