sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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