just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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