At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
