I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
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