True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think my moral compass just broke
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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