never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
