Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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