Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
