OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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