Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
