I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
