first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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