so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
