Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
