i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Still dying that you shit outside
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
