Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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