so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
