it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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