just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize