Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
