Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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