Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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