kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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