dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
