Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
