im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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