my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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