There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
