My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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