Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
vagina is talking i cant
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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