You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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