My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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