I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
