i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize