so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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