Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
