um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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