Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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