Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
