Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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