I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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