Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
