so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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