YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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