so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize