a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
