Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
