the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
