Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
