Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
