I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
