I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its liver damage thursday
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
