Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
