I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have already put on my inside pants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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