I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
