I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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