belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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