I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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