I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
