I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
