Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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