imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
